Night Vale Announcements
6
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"Hi! As a newbie to night vale where would I find the episodes, maybe for free? Thanks!"
asked by: Anonymous

Hello, Citizen. Here is a link to all the Night Vale episodes. This is also where you will find new episodes twice a month. 

http://podbay.fm/show/536258179

- Night Vale Announcements

17945
tagged as:
# post
# reblog
rooks-and-ravens:

Shit, man. Canada is fucking metal.

rooks-and-ravens:

Shit, man. Canada is fucking metal.

34
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"Storage grey people with orange horns and fangs have been showing up to my house warning me about a game called "SBURB". I have a copy of this game and now I'm wondering if I should still play it. What do you think I should do?"
asked by: Anonymous

We think it’s a great idea! Just be sure to avoid to the subject of buckets. We’ve heard compliants from the gray citizens about how the citizens of Night Vale should not mention buckets around them. We aren’t sure why. Just roll with it

-Night Vale Announcements

318353
tagged as:
# post
# reblog

ppyajunebug:

Wayne Brady has reached the level of Eternal Scout

(Source: sandandglass)

9
"for pencil anon, both I and twelve of my closest demonic cohorts have had the same problem, we found that hailing the glow cloud with the pencil in hand causes the pencil's energy to be absorbed into the all knowing omnipotence of the glow cloud"
asked by: Anonymous

Thank you for your words of advice, Citizen.

                                                                 -Night Vale Announcements

37
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"My daughter is talking about dating someone in Desert Bluffs. Should I be concerned?"
asked by: Anonymous

Yes.
Sacrifice her to the Glow Cloud immediately

                                                                     -Night Vale Announcements

3
"for pencil anon- sorry about that pencil anon it looks like my bloodstone circle was ruptured causing haunted pencils to be sent to all caves in the vicinity of Steve Carlsberg I would advise decapitating all the pencils and moving to a cave far away from Steve"
asked by: Anonymous
8
"For pencil anon: You have no need to worry. The pencil is merely getting to know you, and the rotting meat sack that you call your body. Simply whistle Beatles tunes to it at least once a hour, and gorge yourself on the bountiful harvest that the pencil has provided you."
asked by: lucithoughts

Thank you Citizen
This approach will be taken into consideration by both the poor citizen and the Sheriff’s Secret Police, who must approve everyone and everything’s actions before the action is executed.

                                                                        -Night Vale Announcements

15
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"Every single day for two weeks now, a pencil has arrived at the mouth of my cave. At first I was ok with it, despite the ban on all writing utensils. But about three days ago it started to vibrate and gave off weird, un appealing colors. Then, two days ago, it began to drill small holes into the ground. Yesterday, it drew a satanic circle and brought dead animals (If it matters, a bear, rabbit, human, dog, and a bird) to it and began to utter strange, unearthly words. What do I do?"
asked by: Anonymous

Citizens,

We would like help answering this utterly bizzare question. We would like to help this citizen as soon as possible.

Please send us what you think the solution to this anonymous person’s problem is. Please title your ask as “For pencil anon” or it will be disregarded and fed to the Glow Cloud.
All hail the Glow Cloud.

                                                                    -Night Vale Announcements

35
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"Hi, I've recently moved here and was wondering if Woodpecker marriage is recognized in Night Vale ?"
asked by: Anonymous

Of course it is! Night Vale welcomes all types of marriage. Unless someone is marrying Steve Carlsberg. Then it is unacceptable.

                                                                          -Night Vale Announcements