Night Vale Announcements
23
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"Hey, I was taking out the garbage when I noticed some feral dogs out on the loose. I watched someone approach them and said person was then viciously and fatally attacked. On further examination I realised that these dogs were mere plastic bags fluttering in the wind, this made me realise how littered our little desert community has become. Who do I speak to about possibly putting up 'NO LITTERING OR YOU ARE PROMISED A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH MORTAL' signs?"
asked by: Anonymous

This would be something to take up with the City Council, Citizen. We do thank you, though, for helping care for our small desert community. You shall be a great influence. 

                                                                -Night Vale Announcements

12
tagged as:
# theelric
# answered
"I'm planning a pizza party and was just gonna make some homemade pizza without wheat and by wheat products. Is my house at risk of burning down from this? Cause I heard something about all buildings that make pizza burning down except for Big Rico's."
asked by: theelric

We are afraid that you, along with your house, will be burned to a crisp if even the slightest hint of non-Big Rico’s pizza is in your household. We suggest getting the weekly special at Big Rico’s! What’s not to like about Big Rico’s?

                                                                -Night Vale Announcements

28
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"My sister told me that she wants to run away to desert bluffs. I dont know what to do I think I should call the sheriff's secret police but I'm not sure. What do I do?"
asked by: Anonymous

Your sister is obviously delusional. We suggest sacrificing her physical form to the Glow Cloud immediately.
All hail the Glow Cloud

                                                                  -Night Vale Announcements 

14
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"I was recently in my kitchen when I heard a noise from the cabinet. When I opened it, the entire silverware drawer had evaporated and the words "Next, the refrigerator." scrawled in a red, blood like substance on the empty space where the utensils had been. Should I be concerned?"
asked by: Anonymous

We have a kitchen murdered on the loose. We will alert the Sheriff’s secret police immediately. Please slowly leave your house. Leave all belongings, family members and blood stones behind. You will be relocated on the next scheduled relocation day.

                                                                -Night Vale Announcements

13
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"So if Realtors live in deer, do I have to wait until hunting season to contact one?"
asked by: Anonymous

Not at all! Deer are around all year long. Unless you plan killing the Realtors. In that case, then yes. You must wait until hunting season. 

                                                                 -Night Vale Announcements

20
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"I want to join the summer reading program, bit I have dyslexia, dose the public library any audio books?"
asked by: Anonymous

Yes, they do! We’re afraid you’re going to have to get a non-existent permission pass from the Glow Cloud, which is not available on scheduled days. Please check back on the a canceled day. All hail the Glow Cloud.

                                                            -Night Vale Announcements

16
"My pitbull likes to watch my laptop. No reason for it! she just waits all day for me to come home so she can mindlessly stare at it! should I be concerned?"
asked by: Anonymous

Maybe your pitbull wants a laptop of it’s own! You should buy it one. I believe they are selling them in the alleyway behind Arby’s.

                                                                -Night Vale Announcements 

11
tagged as:
# anonymous
# answered
"I came to the conclusion that "plastic" is a imaginary thing to prevent the colapse of the society."
asked by: Anonymous

Your conclusion is very correct, Citizen.

                                                                 -Night Vale Announcements

21
tagged as:
# answered
# sleuthtastic
"Hi, I have found a recent influx of small, but also large babies in my shampoo. I was putting some in my bath, and In the bubbles I noticed the small children, almost feeding off of the bubbles? Could someone at LEAST put a limit to how many kids can be in ONE shampoo bottle? Thanks."
asked by: sleuthtastic

Citizen,
We’re afraid this is the manufacture’s fault. We have no direct contact with these companies, sadly. We will, however, send a request to the Glow Cloud to send them into the non-existent void.
ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD.

                                                                    -Night Vale Announcements 

12
tagged as:
# answered
"My friend may or may not have the ability to redirect the man in the tan jacket to Desert Bluffs. Should I ask him to do it?"
asked by: Anonymous

Yes! Of course you should! Why would you even hesitate?

                                                                 -Night Vale Announcements